10 Myths About Domestic Violence
Domestic violence, intimate partner victimizations, and other appalling criminal acts between spouses, boyfriends, and girlfriends stands as one of the most under-addressed and misunderstood issues in America and beyond. The prevailing myths surrounding these tragedies actively stand in the way of bringing the perpetrators to justice. As if that was not an already disconcerting side effect, many of them also perpetuate negative mindsets which park blame more on the victim than the victimizer. By shaming those who bear the brunt of the pain, men and women alike who find themselves on the receiving end of abuse do not seek out the help they need in order to live a safe existence away from their tormenters. Promoting an education and understanding of why domestic abuse happens and is allowed to continue stands as the only way to truly put a dent in the practice and prevent repeated assaults.
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Only women are victims of domestic violence.
Between 2001 and 2005, 22% of all reports regarding nonfatal violence cited females over the age of 12 as the victims and intimate partners (former or current spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends, etc. as the perpetrators. In the same time frame, 4% of nonfatal violence reports listed males over the age of 12 as victims with the offenders also as intimate partners. Domestic violence does occur against men, though the majority of reported cases in the United State usually involve the victimization of women.
Some theories posit that men comprise a much higher rate than the statistics show, however. Women are more likely to seek help from the police and other authorities, which does not paint the clearest picture of the true domestic violence demographics. Because of prevailing perceptions that a man on the receiving end of abuse is somehow weak or lacking masculinity, males are far less likely to come forward about their experiences and file criminal charges against their assailants. The only way for society to gain an understanding of how far this issue spreads is to abolish its stigmatization of male victimhood. If more men stood up and took legal action against their assailants – male and female alike – it would inspire others towards opening up and giving America a glimpse into the real depths of the epidemic.
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Domestic violence occurs only in lower-class, uneducated, or minority households.
Domestic violence does not discriminate against socioeconomic, educational, age, sexual preference, or racial lines any more than it does gender. It can happen to anyone, anywhere, at any time. Like the female-male discrepancy, many of the misconceptions regarding statistics do not provide an accurate picture of how widespread the issue truly reaches. For example, between 2001 and 2005 the average annual rate of nonfatal intimate partner victimizations was 4 per 1,000 individuals over the age of 12 for Caucasian women, 5 per 1,000 individuals over the age of 12 for African-American women, and 4.3 per 1,000 individuals over the age of 12 for Hispanic women. Negligible differences, really, but it drives home just how little race truly matters when it comes to domestic violence. However, Native American women suffered from nonfatal intimate partner victimization at a disconcerting rate of 11.1 per every 1,000 individuals over the age of 12. By contrast, Asian women found themselves the victims of nonfatal intimate partner attacks at a rate of 1.4 per every 1,000 individuals over the age of 12 – the exact same as African-American men.
These discrepancies obviously fail to take into account instances that go fully unreported, so it is entirely likely that the reality is far more evened out than the gaps appears. The same statement applies to socioeconomic brackets as well. Between 2001 and 2005, 12.7 out of 1000 females and 1.5 out of 1000 of males over the age of 12 who had been victimized in a nonfatal domestic dispute came from households with an average income of less than $7,500 a year. In the $7,500-$24,999 range, 6.2 out of 1000 females and 1.5 out of 1000 males were victimized. Households with an average income of $25,000 through $49,999 saw 5.2 out of 1,000 females over the age of 12 and 0.8 males over the age of 12 as victims of nonfatal intimate partner abuse. Finally, income brackets earning $50,000 or more victimized 2 out of 1,000 females over the age of 12 and .6 males over the age of 12. However, men and women in higher tax brackets are more likely to settle the issue privately through out-of-court settlements instead of pressing criminal charges. Those from lower income households tend to rely more on police intervention, making them more prominent in statistical data. So, much like the apparent gap between gender and race, it is entirely possible that these differences close when one begins to consider unreported and privately settled cases.
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Instances of domestic violence are actually quite rare.
In May of 2002 alone, 16 of the largest urban counties in the United States reported a combined total of 3,750 cases of intimate partner violence. Trending data shows males and females alike reporting more incidents to the police, which signifies either an increase in domestic violence or more individuals learning that the best route towards escaping fear lay with coming forward and letting the criminal justice system intervene. Because so many victims remain too scared to confront the issue externally, it is impossible to gauge just how frequently it occurs. However, some estimates pose that 1 in every 4 women in the United States will become victimized by nonfatal intimate partner violence at some point in her life.
While not the most common crime, domestic violence still occurs at a disconcerting rate. Even if it were extremely rare, it would remain a travesty that needs addressing by law enforcement personnel and the individuals involved in the attack. In order to gain an idea as to the true number of victims, men and women alike who have found themselves the victims of domestic violence must confront their very real terror and seek assistance from the police or other legal authorities. For men and women alike, the most common reason for failing to report the incident was the belief that domestic violence is an entirely personal matter, with 21.8% of female and 39.2% of male victims adhering to this mindset. Unspecified reasons trap 22% of females and 17.1% of males involved in abuse. After that, a desire to protect the assailant weighed in as the second most common motivation, with 14.4% of women and 15.6% of men listing that as their primary reason for denying themselves proper legal intervention. Fear surprisingly takes up the last of the most common excuses for denial of police involvement, with 12.4% of females and 5.3% of males responding as such. Regardless of why victims refuse assistance from public safety officials, the fact that so many actively deny themselves respite and peace of mind ought to show that the problem may stand as more common than many people believe.
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Domestic violence is usually a one-time-only occurrence.
In May of 2002, 46% of convictions for nonfatal intimate partner violence had a history of prior abuse towards the victim. While some instances of domestic violence only involve one incident, men and women alike who remain in abusive situations run a far higher risk of succumbing to repeated attacks than those electing to press charges after the first offense. In addition, they also put themselves in danger of escalation as well. Where the abusive partner may have once administered force with the hands, future assaults may involve weapons – 1 in every 4 instances of domestic violence involves a gun, knife, or blunt object – or even result in a fatality. Many abusers promise after the first incident that they will never hurt the victims again as a means of persuading them against pressing charges. Unfortunately, this manipulates the abused into directly placing themselves in harm’s way once more rather than acting as a legitimate apology. In fact, these statements in many ways actively reinforce other myths.
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Victims of domestic violence usually provoke the abuse.
A blame the victim philosophy surrounds many violent crimes, with fingers pointed towards men and women alike who find themselves on the receiving end of abuse questioned almost as intensively as their assailants. Many mistakenly believe that perhaps the victim said or did something to anger the abuser, furthering their shame and encouraging them to become mired in a dangerous situation rather than pursuing the help they truly need. This mindset also frequently reasserts itself following the initial attacks. Along with promising to learn a lesson, many abusers also lead their victims to believe that they themselves somehow deserved to be hurt. These sadly common statements serve to push the responsibility off their shoulders and onto those of the victim, making him or her less likely to call the police and welcome help. If the victim is led to believe that the abuse had been warranted, he or she is more likely to stay within their status quo of domination and intimidation rather than press charges and escape their queasily intimate hell.
As always, promoting and educating the populace on the machinations of domestic violence remains only way to combat these atrocities. Men and women alike need to understand that NOBODY deserves to be assaulted, except in obvious cases of self-defense. No words, no nonviolent or petty actions should lead to an act of violence, and all initial unprovoked attacks must be reported to the police or other authorities in order to prevent a repeat performance. Society needs to understand how the mind of an abusive individual operates – how it forces prey to believe that their assault is fully deserved and their tormenter needs protecting, how it forges empty promises to learn a lesson if the police do not get involved, and how it exploits and manipulates all involved parties to alleviate their responsibility. Only then can victims understand that they are the ones who should not feel ashamed by the situation and stand up to rightfully, legally defend themselves against unwarranted violence.
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Substance abuse is the root cause of domestic disturbances.
Drugs and alcohol amplify aggression, and many men and women abuse their spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends, or other intimate partners while under the influence. However, not all individuals with a substance abuse habit engage in violent behavior, nor do all instances of domestic abuse involve drugs or alcohol. At its core, domestic violence involves thoughtlessly misdirected anger and rage – emotions not limited to those partaking in mind-altering substances. No matter if an abuser is sober, high, drunk, or some combination thereof at the time the assault took place, none of these states excuse their violent actions.
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Domestic violence is an issue that only needs addressing between the people involved.
The fact that 21.8% of female victims and 39.2% of male victims fail to report their abuse at the hands of an intimate partner because they believe the matter is best handled privately only serves to solidify this potentially dangerous myth. Many who witness or overhear domestic violence disputes do not phone in reports to the police, believing the matter is best settled between the partners instead. While it is never polite to intrude on other people’s private lives, all previously established protocol becomes entirely null and void once an individual’s safety becomes compromised. If it sounds like an instance of domestic violence is taking place in a nearby house, apartment, mobile home, or other living space, abandon all inclinations towards noninterference and call the police. Every second that goes by without help from law enforcement runs the risk of morphing an instance of domestic abuse into a domestic homicide. Interpersonal problems need addressing between the people involved. But the minute it sours into violence, any and all witnesses – visual or auditory – must leave their preconceived notions behind and take the responsibility to notify the proper authorities. The call may mean the difference between life and death.
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Improving a broken relationship can stop a batterer.
In believing that working on the relationship between abuser and victim makes for a solution to end abuse, the mindset that the abused remains somehow at fault becomes sadly reinforced. Nonfatal intimate violence is NOT a relationship issue. It is a personal issue that comes from within the assailant. No amount of couples counseling or heart to heart talks will alleviate the mindsets behind an attack – even if the abuser is more than eager to put forth the effort to prevent another incident. They need handling by the proper authorities if they harbor any sincere hope to reform, and punishment may involve jail time and intense psychotherapy to stave off repeat offenses.
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Victims stay in violent situations because they secretly enjoy being beaten.
Another corollary to the blame the victim perspective labels repeat recipients of domestic abuse as masochists who stay in violent situations because they enjoy the pain. Truthfully, most victims do not leave their abusers due to manipulation. Fearing legal repercussions, assailants oftentimes lead their prey to believe themselves entirely worthy of a beating. Rather than defending themselves, the victims submit to fully undeserved torment out of abjectly crippling fear. Many of them feel too scared of a second attack if they reach out for help. They do not remain in a quagmire of abuse due to latent pleasure from beatings. They stay trapped because of the anxiety that legal retaliation may trigger another nightmare. In many ways, they adhere to the belief that it is better to face down the pain of the known rather than the pain of the unknown.
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Domestic violence is a side effect of a patriarchal society or filial structure.
Many perceive domestic abuse as a negative aspect of living within a patriarchal society or a family where men dominate over the women. Studies have shown that surrounding cultural climates and social structures have little effect on instances of domestic violence in the United States. As men are just as susceptible to abuse as women – in spite of being less likely to report incidents to the police – this negates the belief that male dominance in society contributes to more instances of domestic violence. The inner turmoil that fuels abuse allows it to occur, and victim manipulation and noninvasive peers and neighbors allow it to continue. It has little, if anything, to do with systemic patriarchal constructs and everything to do with severe emotional issues on the part of the abuser.
Because so many individuals adhere to the myths regarding domestic violence as the steadfast truth, thousands of men and women every year become trapped inside dangerous – even deadly – situations. They end up shamed and manipulated into staying with and occasionally defending those who hurt and threaten their happiness and safety. Promoting an understanding of how these potentially fatal relationships operate helps to save lives and remove violent individuals from mainstream society and into the proper detention centers.
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